Kingwood NJ donna@theoutdoorswife.com

The Outdoors Wife

Tall Tales Of A Different Perspective…

The Fall Disease Happening Now In A Neighborhood Near You!

the fall disease the outdoors wife

The Fall Disease

The majorities of people think of Fall and picture bright leaves, in shades of reds and oranges, falling lazily to the ground or welcome the cooler nights sitting around a fire in the backyard.  Some are focused on kids going back to school, while others are eagerly anticipating some beloved holidays coming up. No doubt, we all have our favorite things about this time of year. Then there is my house and the Fall Disease. What I am about to explain  is not something that only happens in my house, I am sure it is happening all across the USA, the whole world even, in one degree or another. It’s the Fall Disease. Me, personally, find Fall the absolute best time of the year. I call myself “The Outdoors Wife” cause I LOVE LOVE LOVE being outdoors. That said, I enjoy many different things out there and have something I like doing in all of the seasons.

The Men In The House

But then there are the men in my house. I love them dearly but this Fall Disease can be very taxing on all of us. It starts out innocent enough: taking the long way home. Doesn’t sound like much right?  Then comes the need to drive around some more. Why you ask? Because the “air has turned”, just like a switch. You know, you’re still sweating doing anything outside and next thing you know you’re running in the house for pants & a long sleeve shirt in a matter of 5 minutes wondering how the hell that happened! That was me yesterday. I was cleaning up my garden, sweat is rolling down my face, the gnats are swirling all around my head and next thing I know I’m wearing pants and a jacket???

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Harmless

So back to the boys….Then they start going on these drives together. Sounds harmless right?  In other households it might be fine but here we have a serious timing issue. Fall is my FAV, and one of my FAVORITE things to do this time of year is to sit in my garden late afternoon with a cocktail and watch the sunset. I am total addict. So what, right? Well since I am normally the “cook” in this bunch, the problem lies with when do we eat dinner. No one wants to eat (& I don’t want to cook either) as soon as they come home. I want to enjoy my garden and the boys want to go scout deer. Either way, we’re not eating till its gets dark.  It’s actually not bad after daylight savings time, we actually eat before 8-9:00 at night.

Some Small Dilemmas

So that’s one little dilemma. Then there comes the talk of who wants to hunt where. As often heard during the fishing season as well, the dreaded “MY SPOT” gets thrown around. Depending on the mood at the time, depends on how these conversations end. Some days it’s fine, others it the “old buck vs the young buck”  power play. I usually try to stay out of sight when the boys are feeling territorial, or entitled in some cases, cause really, no one likes my answers. In a nutshell, I’m not arguing about jack, I’m going to do and go wherever the hell I feel like and they are going to put my stands up for me. Period.  Don’t know why they have to argue about it.

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Man VS Boy

BUT, you know the “young buck” is going to give it a try. In tying everything together, it is often said and can be used in many situations: “An old buck gets that way for a reason.” In other words, he’s not stupid. He knows his environment and how to make it work best for him to live a long happy life. This can also be said for marriages. Me and the Hubby have been down many more trails together then our youngster. I might of sat out a few hunting seasons, but mine still outnumber his.  So when Manboy, indignantly, has the audacity to ask:”Why should we put up your stands and you don’t have to help?”. If there was one of those “speech bubbles” above my husband’s head letting you know what he was thinking, it would probably say something like this:

AWWWW HELL, He really didn’t just say that to his mother did he???? Dumbass has no idea how screwed he is. I could use some earplugs…

 

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NEVER Piss Off The Queen In Her Castle

Bad enough having the boys argue about “spots” and a million other things there are to disagree on when it comes to hunting, but throw in some common sense practical everyday stuff being taking for granted and Momma is going to blow bigger than any pressure cooker.  MY SON wants to know WHY I don’t have to help HIM put up MY stands. You know that saying about picking your battles? This question alone reveals the age of the one asking. Cause no sane man that has been married for years and his wife hunts also, would dare be so incredibly naive to ask such a question.

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Release The Cracken

Yes son, that’s what you did. Someday when you get married you WILL hear this again I promise you. Yes, maybe I should of warned you before you so foolishly open your mouth, but you seem to like learning things the hard way so I figured you should just go for it. Pay attention and you will know how to proceed at your own risk, or better yet, avoid this all together.

So You Want To Know WHY Do You????

It started when I carried you around for 9 months and brought your ungrateful behind into this world. We won’t EVEN discuss the havoc you wreaked on my “rack” with your insatiable appetite that resulted in you being an obese baby who, at just a week before his first birthday, FINALLY decided he CAN move, sit, crawl, do something on his own. I am not even going to hash over the next 20 years but just jump to the present: DO I wear YOUR clothes? But I wash them. Do YOU eat My groceries that I went shopping for, paid for, bagged, dragged into the house, unbagged , put away , oh yeah, and cooked????? DO I NEED TO KEEP GOING?????

Point Made

We don’t usually have to visit that scenario anymore. He got the point.  So now we are eating late dinners (this also happens when fishing too), spotting deer and getting ideas for where our stands are going to be or moved to. Deer stands. How many can one person, hahahhaha, one FAMILY have??? Apparently never enough. I kind of feel bad for women who ask this question who don’t know that I hunt, cause I am not sympathetic to them at all.  Especially now that I am older, not only do I want/require several stands (JUST FOR ME), my needs have become more extravagant as well. Being I had back surgery 20+ years ago (one of the reasons I lacked the desire to go hunting for quite a while) I need comfort in the stand. Now the Hubby, after a gazillion years of telling me to put on a safety strap, he is adamant that we all (finally including himself!!!)wear safety harnesses.  It was a bit cumbersome the first year, but now I am glad we are all wearing them. So now whose is whose gets to be a dilemma…… I KNEW for a fact where I had put mine one year and yet it was nowhere to be seen. The Hubby kept giving me hell, I kept insisting where it was, and lo and behold, guess who was wearing it for TWO MONTHS???? MANBOY.  He swore up and down it was his. NOT.  I have also gotten very accustomed to having a “shooting bar” in my stand, as well as the Hubby. It’s kind of a pain for bow hunting, but we have both come to like the extra security of not falling out of the stand. This brings up another problem. We have a collection of stands, but not all have the same things. So not only do all these stands start getting spread across the lawn, there are parts and parts and parts. Sometimes the boys make new stands out of parts.  Still, there is just so much and yet not nearly enough. I need more stands. WE NEED MORE STANDS. I want the ones with a cushion seat that can’t be to thin. Not saying that my arse is huge, and you better not either, but I learned with a achy back, having support under my legs out to my knees makes a big difference.  Oh yeah, and don’t give me a stand that was made for a 6ft + giant and my toes can’t even touch the bottom. DUH. And that’s outside of the house by the shop, do you know what starts happening in the house?????

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A Million Things I’d Rather Do Then Clean

Yes. This is me.  Just when I finally have gotten just about every trace of hunting stuff back stored away, it starts coming back out. The spare bedroom, aka dump your gear here room, once again starts filling up. The “no need to put it away cause I’m going to use it again tomorrow” theme gets rolling every Fall. Mind you, our house is not large and all of us hunt, so times everything by three. The only thing I WON’T do is muzzleloader. Just hearing the words “have to clean it” was enough for me to bail before the sentence was even finished. Before you ask, yes I absolutely insist the boys clean my guns for me. When they start scrubbing the toilet then we can discuss other arrangements. Meanwhile the colder it gets the more hunting clothes that come out,. And stay out. Oh don’t let me forget the boots. Bow hunting boots. Deer hunting boots. Bird Hunting Boots.  Yesterday’s boots are to muddy/wet. Who Gives A Sh*t Boots. Before you know it the kitchen table is constantly clogged with binoculars, practice tips, allen wrenches, hats, gloves, shells, etc.

Don’t Forget The Dogs

Then there is Manny and Cami. We love bird hunting in this family and having a bird dog is a must. Unfortunately a few years ago we lost both our bird dogs to cancer just 6 months apart.  We went one year without a dog when the opportunity came to adopt a dog that needed a new home. Enter Cami, the German Shorthair. She, too, gets the Fall Disease.  I sear there is a switch that goes off and she knows its time to get in shape to run.  The started taking the dogs to the river to cool off and the last few times she would just stay in the current and swim. Have to admit I was totally impressed! I find her holding still and smelling the air more often. And she also my pots and runs all over the yard with them. That’s not so bad unless I am splitting plants and she takes a pot that is filled….

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A Family Affair * Wide Open Spaces

The Fall Disease, or a Culture, or a Tradition?

Call it what you like, its Hunting Season coming to a neighborhood by you! And we’re not even done with Fishing Season! Manboy is in his third year of bowfishing, with Fall being prime time. So much so that last night when he came home after 11:00 pm smelling the worst he ever has, he informed the Hubby and I he is taking us out bowfishing for our anniversary. I busted out laughing: 1. Because our anniversary was a month and half ago. 2. Because I was just thinking he didn’t take me out this year yet. (Went last year and LOVED it!) 3. My husband has never wanted to go.  I find this so ironic and hilarious.  Really, for Mother’s Day my son took me bass fishing at a pond I was guaranteed to catch a lot, and I did, and it was awesome!

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This Is My Life

The Outdoors Wife, Mom, Daughter….. just a few of the hats I wear,  but one of my favorites is old camo Ducks Unlimited hat I got when working DU events with my Dad. He’s gone now, which makes this hat even more special to me, but the memories aren’t. Some of my best and most treasured times are the NY Buck season with my Dad. If only more people could realize that there is so much more to hunting than “killing”. Matter of fact that is the first time I even mentioned anything “killed” huh? Go Figure.

the fall disease campfire

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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