Bow Hunting

My Treestand & Psychological Torture of Squirrels

Back In The Stand-First Bow Hunt In Years

I finally got my behind in my treestand. It was a gorgeous, clear day with a nice, mild temperature.  I had a million things to do that day so only went out in the afternoon. I double checked that I had everything that I needed and wanted. It was time to go.

Chocolate Is Mandatory When It’s Cold

There is something about hunting season and the changing to colder seasons that makes me crave chocolate. I will also completely blame this fascination on my father. Every hunting season he would buy bags of the Hershey chocolate assorted  minis and fill his pockets before going hunting. So yes, I do it to now.  We didn’t have any so I took a bunch of homemade chocolate chip cookies that someone had made for Manboy.  Chocolate, chapstick and my safety harness, I was good to go for the afternoon.

the outdoors wife rosenne rossadana

Pretty much what my hair looks like after I wash it. i was Called Roseanne Roseannadanna all through high school too!

Something Just Isn’t Right

Luckily, I didn’t have far to go, and arrived at the property I would be hunting in less than 10 minutes. Turns out the property runs along a main road, so it’s not very quiet. I parked the car, got all my stuff together and lastly put on my safety harness before heading out to my tree stand.  I only walked about 50 feet when things started going wrong. First of all, I washed my hair that morning.  Big deal right? Unless you have SEEN my hair, or more like my afro. So who cares right? Well you see, this would be the time I realized that the strap from my safety harness, that would hook up to the strap in the tree, was “inside” of the harness instead of of the outside. Trying to get the thing out with all my damn hair (sticking out of the back of my hat) was making this an impossible task. It was also making sweat. GRRRR. So I had to undo the harness, take it half off, get the offending strap out and just as I was almost done I happen to look up and across the files I see someone coming out of the woods.

Who The Hell Is That?

What you don’t know is that Manboy has his treestand about a 150 yards away from mine. Mind you it’s 3:30 in the afternoon and here I see someone coming out of the woods right about even where my son’s stand is. So I’m thinking: “Who the hell is that???”, because I know he wasn’t home yet from work.  And then the ol brain cells must of got a good dose of oxygen and it dawned on me it was a buck, not a person. And it was a nice buck too. He had a wide, and a heavy, low rack, though I honestly couldn’t even see the tines,  I would still say he would be at least an eight pointer. So I stood there frozen, my hands mid stop from latching my harness, watching this big guy just wander straight out into the field about 70 yards, then do a perfect 90 degree turn and trot towards the other end of the field where he then continued his way along the treeline, never even noticing me at all. YES, he was way to far away for me to even consider a shot.

The Cute Fluffy Squirrels

So of course now I am really hoping it’s going to be an exciting afternoon for me in the stand! Well, it was, and it wasn’t. You see, there are these little gray, fluffy tailed, devil rats that LOVE LOVE LOVE to mess with your head. You hear leaves crunching and your heart skips a beat, then starts beating faster cause you think, FINALLY, here comes my deer. NOT. Aww, it’s just a a cute little squirrel. SO as your watching Mr. Cuteness you hear more leaves crunching. SO yeah, you get all excited again. You can hear your own heart thumping in your chest as you attempt to slow your breathing like you learned in Lamaze classes a gazillion years ago (that crap did nothing for me during 2 child births but it is good for hunting!). Son of a bitch, it’s  Mrs. Cuteness!  Then you know the whole stupid family will be arriving next. so you hopes go up and down, up and down, as you keep trying to convince yourself that this time it’s sounds different as you watch Demon Rat Devil Family frolicking all over the damn place around you, taunting you, probably having a really good laugh at you too.

scrounging squirrels the outdoors wife

To Grunt Or Not To Grunt

I have to admit I also grabbed one of the Hubby’s grunt calls, though also have to admit, I never really bothered to learn how to use one. Though if you were to stop by my house any given Sunday there would be either hunting, fishing or Nascar n the TV regardless if anyone was even in the house. I just happened to be doing something in the kitchen when the guys on TV were talking about grunt calls. For this one gentleman, he said that during “The Rut” he prefers just quick short grunts a few minutes apart.  I tried a few here and there, when ever the traffic slowed and got quiet. Not feeling confident, I quickly decided to make sure I learned “The Rut” is, it is the deer mating season. The bucks turn into total horndogs and pretty much have one goal: impregnate as many does as possible.  It is also one of the best times to land yourself a really big buck!

Oh No Freaking Way

So back I went to patiently watching the squirrels for amusement. I’m pretty sure there were at least 4 of them. Seems that their main base was just in front of me about 30 feet.  They mostly ran around and scrounged for food from there, and over to my right, the entire time I was there.  I would be a complete liar if I didn’t try to make the squirrel noise into deer noise over and over. I’m an optimist, I can’t help it. And then IT happened. With only about 20 minutes of daylight prime time, a spot a new guy. Oh yeah, a new little devil demon has joined the group. Only this cutey rat don’t play like the others, he starts heading my way from the left. He gets a little closer, then even more, till finally he is heading right to my tree. Damn if I don’t start hearing the clicking of little nails coming up the tree I’m in. Yup, they keep getting closer and closer till they are just over my head. Then I hear him come back down a little, he is in back of the tree level with my head. I hear those little claws get a little closer, so I start scrunching my shoulder and head together so he can’t get to my face when I hear this low chittering growl noise by my ear. OMG OMG OMG I’m holding my breath waiting when I gratefully hear those nasty mini claws go scurrying down the tree to a big crash into the leaves as the offended fluffy tailed rodent catches up with his family.

My Treestand & Psychological Torture of Squirrels

Pretty sure this is what that squirrel looked like behind me!

It’s All Good

My first time out in the treestand in years provided me with enough to keep me happy. I saw a nice buck, even though that’s all it would be, and I had a close encounter with a nosy squirrel that still made my adrenaline pump for at least a few beats. So I got my stuff together, raised the shooting bar, unhooked my safety harness and climbed on out of my treestand. Maybe next time…


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